Maintenance, and I’m not talkin’ cars

Why is it that as a woman ages “maintenance” time and cost increases?

As teens we started shaving underarms and legs. We graduated to wax and then started work on the nether regions and the brow. Mid-thirties arrive and the waxing now includes upper lip and chin. And then there are the “strays” that appear, unannounced and uninvited, every couple of days.

And that’s just the hair we don’t want.

We have other hair that we pamper and coddle because, Lord know, it may have all started in fun–you know, maybe a little all-over color for a brighter look or a weave for a few highlights–but a great hair dresser knows how to reel you in. Now it’s all over color plus the dual-colored weave.

And then there are the perms which, as we all know, mean something completely different depending upon whom you’re talking to. Just ask Chris Rock. Black women use perms to straighten; white women use them to curl.

Don’t even get me started on extensions. That’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.

In our teens and mid-twenties we discovered manis, pedis, and acrylic nails. Scrubs morphed into microderm.

We started going to spas and getting massages and soaking in hot tubs. Not that we can’t do this at home. It’s just oh-so-much-more-relaxing with candles, soft music, and aromatherapy. And look at our skin! It’s so supple and well hydrated!

We didn’t really need makeup when we were in our teens, but we fought to wear it anyway. By the time we hit our thirties we found we couldn’t live without it, and Mabelline wasn’t cutting it, so we moved on to M.A.C.

Bras? Don’t get me started. We transition from what is essentially a bikini top in our tweens to a full-on harness in our forties. And by the time we’re wearing the harness, trust me, you don’t want to see us without it.

On the bright side, I notice women in their 70s rarely benefit from makeup. Some don’t even need to shave. So there’s hope down the road, girls.

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About Mary Rarick

Caffeine-addicted hyphen enthusiast, grammar geek and former editor; lover of shoes, vacuum cleaner tracks and compelling content; enthusiastic, perennial cause adopter; hash tag abuser, connector and social media strategist.
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3 Responses to Maintenance, and I’m not talkin’ cars

  1. Perry Gruber says:

    That Chris Rock statement…so true, so true…how is it that our naturally beautiful women get caught up in the need to “make up” for something they perceive is missing in their appearance? Nothing is more beautiful than a woman in all her natural, un-made-up splendor.

  2. This is great Mary! I love it, and am livin’ it. Don’t forget keeping tweezers in the car – for the best light;)

  3. Mary Rarick says:

    OMG, Tammy! Just today I wished I’d had tweezers in my car!

    You are too kind, Perry. I wish more men were just like you.

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